The Nuisance of Nuptials
by LillithGranger
Summary: Journals similar to Muggle dating sites have been distributed to help witches and wizards find their match for the new Marriage Law. Will Hermione be paired with someone she expects, or someone she's already rejected?
1. Carry That Weight

Hermione was wedged between Harry and Ron looking between the twenty-three faces of their colleagues seated at the same table. Kingsley had sent out memos for each of these people to join him in Conference Room 3 on Friday afternoon. Judging by the confused and concerned looks coming from the Ministry workers at the table, none of them had any clue what was going on, including Hermione.

Hermione did notice that this gathering included most of the younger generations working through the Ministry, which only raised more questions. Why wasn't anyone older there? There were people from nearly every department… maybe they were just asking the younger workers for some ideas to lessen some of the archaic policies…

Finally after about fifteen minutes of waiting Kingsley finally stepped through the doorway, followed by the undersecretary Genevieve Hogg. Once he reached the head of the table, the Minister offered a tight lipped smile to the faces looking back at him.

Truth be told the Minister looked like he hadn't slept in a month. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circles beneath them, and his jaw was quite tense. Compared to his usual relaxed and friendly demeanor, Kingsley looked almost unrecognizable.

"Good afternoon everyone, sorry to keep you waiting. I was busy wishing I didn't have to deliver this news to you. Clearly, that did not work," Kingsley spoke with a frown.

"Excuse me, Minister Shacklebolt. We're not being fired, are we?" Asked Corrine Casey with a terrified look on her face.

"No, no. It's nothing like that. Although, I'm sure a few of you will wish that was the case," Kingsley continued with a grave face, "Alright I'll just get to it. Last week the Wizengamot issued a new decree that directly affects all of you. The official announcement will be in The Daily Prophet this Monday. However, I thought it prudent to inform all of you personally before the media did."

At this, Harry spoke up, "Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but a few of us —myself included— are members of the Wizengamot, and we were not made aware of any new legislation."

"Yes, when first introduced, it was requested that any members that would be included in said decree not be in attendance due to a conflict of interest."

"Minister, could you please explain what the new decree is?" asked Hermione, nearly ready to explode with curiosity.

"Yes, of course. Please, if you could wait until the end of my speech to ask your questions and comments, I would be most appreciative. I assure you that I am not happy about this, but it is officially out of my hands," with a deep sigh Kingsley continued, "As it is, the wizarding population has been on a great decline since the First War. There weren't many concerns about it until this past year. It has been eight years since the Second War and we are still showing declining rates. As it turns out, marriage rates are also lower than we've ever seen. Our projection rates show a huge loss to our population over the next century if something is not done.

"As a solution to this problem, they have created a temporary decree. This will stand for the next five years, beginning Monday, September 1st. It enforced any unmarried witches and wizards between ages 25 and 35 to find a partner within six months. You must marry within a year and bear two children within the five year time restriction. If you meet the requirements before the five years is complete, you may file for a divorce if you do not wish to remain married to your partner.

"There will be exemptions for those unable to reproduce, there will be a form in my reception area for you to complete if this pertains to you. However, persons with a differing sexual orientation will still be expected to uphold the requirements by seeking conception in different manners. If you have not found a partner by March 1st you will be paired with another person who is also without a partner.

"We have collaborated with George and Fred Weasley from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes and they have developed a product to assist you in finding a partner. Do not look so betrayed, Mr. Weasley, they were not told why we needed the items. We haven taken an idea from the Muggle World and adjusted it to fit our needs. You will answer a handful of questions within a journal that will be provided to you momentarily, and then you'll be paired with compatible witches or wizards to communicate with. The journals are all connected, but you can only communicate with certain people. You will be able to remain anonymous until you see fit to reveal your identity, if you would prefer. We have chosen this mode of communication so that you do not have to upend your lives so quickly.

"We do understand that we are asking a lot of you and it is not our wish to wreak havoc on your lives, we are simply trying to ensure the survival of our world. I deeply apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you."

The room was fraught with tension. The longer Kingsley had spoken, the more outraged everyone looked. Hermione, in particular, was so livid her hair was practically standing on end and crackling with magic. If eyes could cast Avada's, Kingsley would have dropped dead several minutes ago.

As soon as the Minister finished speaking, Hermione shot to her feet, "so you're telling me that because we lost our childhoods to defeating a madman and have decided to take our time before settling down, that we are just going to be forced into doing so, so we can be breeders for the Ministry? What if we don't comply?"

Kingsley looked like he was expecting this outburst from Hermione. He simply cleared his throat and spoke very clear and slowly, "you will be held in contempt, and sentenced to six months in Azkaban."

"This is rubbish, Kings and you know it!" Hermione barked, before promptly stomping out of the conference room, slamming the door behind her.

"Does anyone else have any questions," at the silence he received, Kingsley continued, "Alright, you'll find a stack of journals on the table beside the door. Please take one. Mr. Potter, if you wouldn't mind taking one to Miss Granger… You are all excused from work for the rest of the day, I know this is a lot to take in. Thank you for your time."

After the last person shuffled out, Kingsley slumped into his chair. "Genevieve, I'm going home early today. I'll need all the rest I can get before Hermione comes back Monday morning."


	2. Act Naturally

Hermione was hungover. No— scratch that— she was suffering death by hangover. It was not common, but it was certainly a cruel death. The unfortunate part is that she brought it on herself. However, as far as she was concerned, it was Harry's fault.

He and Ron had come by her flat after she stormed out of the meeting. They found her pacing back and forth in her living room, muttering to herself. Sure, they had calmed her down a bit. But that hadn't stopped her from owling the Undersecretary and requesting to see the all of the documentation for the new law. She was going to find a loop hole. And then Harry suggested they go drown their (read: her) sorrows at The Leaky Cauldron. At the time, it had seemed perfectly logical. She was a happy drunk, so surely being inebriated would lift her spirits. She was correct, she had a great time, as far as she could remember… after her fourth or fifth firewhiskey, it gets a little fuzzy. Of course, no one ever thinks about how the morning after feels.

She was sore. In very strange places. What had she done? Her hangovers were not usually accompanied by soreness in her legs and…. Other, more personal places. And she was naked? She must have just danced and then been hot when she got home. Yes, that was reasonable. Everything was solved.

That is, until she stretched and felt another body against her foot. Hermione immediately tensed and screwed her eyes shut. She took several deep breaths while convincing herself it was Ginny in her bed. That wasn't strange— they'd spent several drunken nights passed out with each other— it's what best friends do. Although, she couldn't recall ever doing it naked…

Slowly, Hermione sat up to look at who was beside her, only to find the back of someone's head. A very specific person, given that the head was covered in tell-tale, platinum hair. "Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!"

Suddenly the head spoke in a low and clearly annoyed voice, "Granger, I know you're freaking out, but I feel like Hippogriff arse, so if you could quiet your panic attack down, that'd be lovely."

"Ugh. Honestly!" Hermione screeched before climbing out of bed with the sheet wrapped around her. She walked across the room to her dresser, grabbed a pair of leggings and an old Hogwarts tee and headed for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her just to spite him.

After a hangover potion, a shower, and brushing that horrendous taste from her mouth—cursing Malfoy The Blonde Idiot the entire time— Hermione finally emerged from the bathroom to find the aforementioned idiot absent. Thank Godric. That was not a conversation I wanted to have today.

Ah, but of course, our dear Bookworm had spoken too soon. As she walked down her hallway, she caught a whiff of freshly brewed tea. When she walked through door way to her kitchen she found Draco Bloody Malfoy sitting at her table holding a tea cup.

He looked far too put-together considering he had been in her bed practically growling at her half an hour ago. And of course, he had that stupid smirk on his face. She saw it enough at work, did she really have to see it in her own home?

Yes, she worked with Draco Malfoy. About four years ago he had told his father he wanted nothing to do with Malfoy Enterprises and instead took a job at the Ministry in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He just happened to wind up on the research team with Hermione, much to her chagrin. At first, it was a tense environment, to say the least. There had been heated exchanges several times, and Hermione might have throw a few tea cups at his head, before things finally settled down. To be honest, he wasn't that bad anymore. Well, he was still an arrogant nuisance most of the time, but he refrained from actually being cruel. They actually got on quite well, when they weren't waking up together.

After a few tense moments of silence, while Hermione was filling her own teacup, Draco spoke up in a voice that was much too cheery for her taste, "Well, let's have it. We slept together, the world is ending, you can't believe I made tea in your bloody kitchen, who do I think I am, etcetera. You're a lot like a praying mantis, you know, always ripping my head off after sex."

While leaning against the counter, Hermione fixed Draco with a hard stare at his last statement. Finding him failing to conceal his amusement at his own words. She pursed her lips and exhaled heavily before speaking, " No, it's fine. It's perfectly normal to have drunken sex with you coworker, who was also your childhood bully. Really, not a big deal."

Had she actually gotten those words out without gritting her teeth, Draco might have actually believed her. Instead, he just shook his head at her obvious discomfort, "Honestly, Granger, how many times do we have to do this before that stick up your arse falls out?"

"Well, I keep the stick there in hopes it will deter you from falling into bed with me every time I choose to lower my inhibitions. I can't believe you keep coming back, honestly. This is the… seventh time if I remember correctly-"

"Ninth, don't forget about the trip to Berlin with the aurors."

"-ninth time we've slept together, and you keep returning despite the 'stick up my arse', I had no idea you were so into anal play."

If Hermione thought that would unsettle him, she was mistaken. Draco merely smirked and cocked an eyebrow before saying, "Oh love, we just haven't had the time to explore all the things I could do to you, yet," winking for emphasis.

"Oh Gods, alright you win. Now begone, I've got work to do today." Hermione said while looking through the Saturday post on her window sill. Right on top was the new marriage law decree and she was going to spend her weekend tearing it apart.

"Actually, I have a proposition for you."

Hermione's head snapped up at the serious time of his voice, "I'm almost certain the answer will be no, but let's hear it anyways."

"I think you should marry me."

This caused Hermione to drop the contents in her hand before sputtering, "Wha-? Why, why how… WHAT?!"

"Oh come on, we got along fairly well at work. We clearly get along well enough to do the naked dance every time we drink. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to have children with someone who looks this impeccable and it's only long enough to fulfill the arrangement. Unless you fall madly in love with me first, obviously that's a possibility."

Finally, Hermione took a seat at the table across from Malfoy, bearing a dumbstruck look on her face while speaking slowly, "Just because we find each other attractive, does not mean we need to get married. Besides your father would kill you. And-and Ron and I promised if we didn't find anyone, we'd marry each other. But none of that matters, because I'm going to spend my weekend finding a loophole in this decree and I won't be getting married at all!"

Draco looked quite amused, though he tried to purse his lips and look quite agreeable, "You should know by now, my father no longer has a say in my life. Also, he quite likes the idea— thinks it'll give him more ground to stand on in the Wizengamot, having Hermione Granger as his daughter in law. Also, Weasel has been seeing Hannah Abbott for a few weeks, and they left together last night, do you really think he won't pick her? Thirdly, you said you two broke up because, and I quote, 'kissing felt mildly incest', and you think you'll be able to have sex? And finally, my father helped put that law together. While he does have many poor character traits, his best one is his attention. So I wish you luck in finding a loophole, because there won't be one."

With that, he placed his teacup in the sink and sauntered to the Floo. Hermione patiently waited until she heard the flames signaling his departure before she banged her head upon her kitchen table.

"That man will be the death of me."

But despite what Draco had told her, she set about looking through the decree with a stack of parchment, two ink pots and a quill alongside her. She was going to find a way out of this.


End file.
